whispers from the deep serene recesses of my subconscious.

2008-07-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

how...

does someone like me
forget

someone like you

how...

do i get rid

of this horrible emptiness

this void

i feel.

how...

do i stop myself

from thinking of you.

antes de dormir. despues de despertarse. solo tu.

i need a new heart

one that won't long
for that which i can't have.

sana kasi masaya ka na lang. in my face kasi that you'd rather be lonely, sad and depressed over someone else than be with me.

2008-06-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

take me to a place

of wooden canes and tophats
and parasols
and old ladies in sunday dresses
on mondays

of ladies in red dresses
and weddings in the park

take me to a place...
take me back to that place

of chilling in the afternoon wind
in the heat of the midday sun.

of falling leaves off longing branches
and fields of large red roses
and sunflowers
between stretches of nothingness.

where worlds of rainbows and butterflies
exist

not just in dreams.

take me back.
take me back.

2008-01-03T09:36:00.000-08:00

from love. (from pain.)

i run. i hide.

yet

for love. (for pain.)

i hunger.

*and now, more than a year after, i tremble cause of the same fears

2006-12-18T05:36:00.000-08:00

are you being or seeming?

take off that mask you're wearing.

i wanna see you for who you are.

2006-12-12T04:14:00.000-08:00

and

just like that

i take it all back.

time to let you go.

i can't afford to love you.
i can't afford to love. period.

2006-12-10T23:21:00.000-08:00

i love you

with every tear I shed.

With every word I utter.

with each time I close my eyes

and smile

cause of you-filled thoughts.

The worst irony there is.

How thoughts of you can bring

Both smiles and tears.

2006-12-10T23:01:00.000-08:00

and it boils down to this.

it all boils down to this.

wasted efforts.

false hopes.

down to one single phrase.

which is it?

the sight of your lips
ALMOST next to mine.

so close. so close.

puro physical. physical. thazzit.

i want emotional attachment.

emotional attachment.

without fear of getting hurt.

yoko na maging sawi. lagi nalang.

2006-10-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

i face my fate.

with a chain
strapped to my ankle.

i move. i writh. i struggle.

but the chain
holds me down.

who put the chain there anyway??? ME ME ME!!!!! good job.

F-R-I-E-N-D-S.... THAZZIT!!!! no less.

2006-09-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

words in my head

twas your voice i heard

in those darkest hours.

twas your smile i saw

that lit the night.

twas you i thought of

when pain was all there was.

twas you...

who brought

this pain

after all.

twas you i saw.

when i was blind.

twas you i heard.

when i heard nothing.

it.

was.

you.

always.

you.

with just one word

bliss.

with another

sorrow.

it was you i saw.

i was blind.

only you.

it was you i heard.

i was deaf.

only you.

i don't see you anymore.

i don't hear you.

i am no longer blind.

i am no longer deaf.

no.

natagpuan ko na ang tunay kong ligaya.

lumabas ako ng kwarto't naroon siya.

paalam na sayo.

2006-07-17T17:55:00.000-07:00

"i saw you and the world went away".

you never fail to put a smile on my face.

and after all this time

the feeling stays.

i dint know how much i missed you until i saw you again.
kahit limang ***** or ****** hindi magaamount to one ******.

and you give me that same smile.

the smile that took my heart away.

you hold my hand like you always have

and each time you leave you take my soul.

i still keep your picture
i carry it with me wherever i go.
para kahit sa wallet ko nalang nakikita pa rin kita.

why'd you go far?
why can't you stay?

you don't have to answer that.

tangnang gago, ang sabog ko nanaman!!! you kasi eh!

hug moko ulit, wontya.

tara balik tayo dun! dalawin natin sya! haha haha haha

i'm in lurve.

2006-07-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

because i see you in my dreams.

i might choose to sleep forever.

2006-06-23T23:44:00.000-07:00

and so the coward runs and hides...

runs.

hides.

and

under a closed lid

weeps.

and so the coward runs and hides.

while the stupid one

feigns boldness.

2006-05-29T06:45:00.000-07:00

sa langit kita inilagay.
looks like i put you up too high.
masakit sa leeg tumingala.
masakit man sa puso,
di makatingin sa kabila.
pero dumating ang oras na
i have to say my last goodbye.

sa langit kita inilagay.
kung nararapat ka roon
di ko alam. di ko na aalamin.
because kahit ikaw pa'y aking naisin
di ka kailanman mapapasaakin.

sa langit kita inilagay.
pero ngayon sasabihin ko 'goodbye'

pagkat tulad ng mga bituin
di ka kailanman magiging akin.

sa langit sa'yo ako ang naglagay.
pagkat akala ko'y Angel kang tunay.
but now i see more than i ever saw.
hindi ka sa langit nababagay.

kasi what kind of love ako meron for you
kung nasa langit ka, hindi sa puso ko?
kung patuloy akong mag-look-up at you,
paano ako magkakaroon
ng pagkakataon
to love you?

kung sa langit ka
at tinitingala.

kung may ladino, dapat din may ganito. haha

que piensas? haha

2006-05-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

you!

you're
just
like
them!

with your perfect little life.
in your perfect little world.

i hate you.

tama bang mangganun. wahaha

2006-04-23T06:10:00.000-07:00

lights are bright as the curtains rise
the stage is set
the actors are cued

let the play begin.

act 1.

flash that smile as you hear their applause
let the audience watch in amazement

speak your lines as if you know them
pretend as though you do not fear

act 2.

the world seems to conspire against you
and the actors won't give you cues

look away as if undaunted
speak your lines as if you know them
pretend as though you do not fear

the finale.

let the audience watch in amazement
flash that smile as you hear their applause

close your eyes and speak your lines
and in a few moments it'll all be over

your final line, take a bow.

and the audience gives a standing ovation

and in this three part play you know
you are your biggest fan

and in this three part play you know
you fooled yourself more than anyone else

lights are dim, the curtains fall
actors off stage

and you're alone

and that's when the tears begin to show

i deserve an acting award

2006-04-10T22:50:00.000-07:00

love from afar
looking where you are
not close enough to touch
my heart couldn't do too much

but i

wished you were near
that somehow you'd hear
that which my heart's screaming

love from afar
looking where you are
you are a distant star
but nothing more, you're too far

but fate was kind
you wandered my way
it stood you close to me
close enough that i could say

that i

am glad you're near
this time you could hear
that which my heart's screaming

loved from afar
standing where you are
now close enough to touch
now my heart can do so much

loved from afar
standing where you are
you're no longer too far
but i see now, you're no star

the perfection i saw
when i loved from afar
when i looked where you are
has now become tainted
and my love has faded

and my heart now says

that i

wish you weren't near
wish you'd never hear
all that my heart has screamed.

for i could only

love from afar.

and i couldn't stand where you are.

cause i realize now

you're far from perfect.

2006-04-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

only when the stars are out

do i dare to dream

of you.

these days i can't seem to get you out of my head.

i just hope this isn't one sided.

cause that'd be pretty bad.

2006-03-23T11:14:00.000-08:00

it's not you and me no more.

Bless the day it all ended.

it's not you and me no more.

twas fate's call,
nothing more.

yet my heart still aches with every touch.
yet your presence still has THAT effect on me.

i wish i could just let you go.

pero di ko kayang bumitaw.
hindi.

kahit lumalayo ka na.

hindi lang talaga.

i'm not writing for anyone ha.

basta. basta. huwag mo nang itanong.

haha.

labo.

as usual.

2006-03-23T06:37:00.000-08:00

kung bakit ang hirap pa rin kitang ibitawan...

di ko alam. di ko maintindihan.

2006-03-19T11:21:00.000-08:00

focus.

breathe.

focus.

relax.

calm down.

watch your stance.

relax.

stay calm.

breathe.

steady.

focus.

eyes set
on the target.

ready.

nothing else matters.

just focus.

eyes on the target.

breathe.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1.

there,
it's done.

relax.
stay calm.

and you'll get everything right.

if only everything worked that way.

2006-03-18T21:06:00.000-08:00

before a mirror i stood
staring at myself
looking at every detail of my face
the way i've done so many times before

yet i had no eyes

two patches of skin
stood where they once were

i wondered how i could see...

for without my eyes i saw
more than i ever have

i saw myself yet i saw someone different.

then with a snap, i woke up.

knocking. incessant angry knocking.

i opened the door.

nothing. no one.

the knocking didn't stop.

another door.
a white room.
empty.
peaceful.

the knocking didn't stop.

another door.
locked.

with a snap, i woke up.

the haunting dreams are back.
what's frikkin wrong with me????

i need psychiatric help.

seriously.

hahaha

2006-03-18T07:47:00.000-08:00

tis a complete 360 for me

learning how to care.
learning how to listen.

to have a world that centers
on something ...

...other than myself.

and it feel kinda nice.

2006-03-16T09:31:00.000-08:00

don't mess with my friends.

2006-03-11T05:00:00.000-08:00

it takes a lot to face certain facts.

it takes a lot to face certain facts.

things aren't as i want them to be.

but so frikkin what?

i don't need your pity.

2006-03-11T04:35:00.000-08:00

but we loved with a love that was more than love...

2006-03-07T09:36:00.000-08:00

para sa tawo nga akong gui higugma.

bisan sa kadugay
sa oras nga nilabay
wa lang gihapun ma bahaw
ang para sa imo nga akong pag tanaw.

gui higugma ko ikaw.

bisan ug ako
dili nimo lingiun
ang akong dughan
mao ra gihapun ang giingon

ikaw. o. ikaw.

gui higugma ko ikaw.

bisag daghang sakit lang
sa ako imong gihatag
bisag puro kabuang
mao ra gihapun, ambot na lang.

dili mag bag-o. bisag ma-unsa.

ikaw. o. ikaw.

gui higugma ko ikaw.

kanus-a pa nimo lingiun
kining dughang ga-syagit
sa imong ngalang di makalimtan
bisag mahuman na ang tanan.

kay ikaw. o. ikaw.

gui higugma ko ikaw.

unya sa akong kamingaw
pugson tikang kalimtan.
iwala sa akong huna huna
pero dili gyud. dili gyud.

mao ra gihapun, dili mag bag-o.

gui higugma ko ikaw.

kanang gugma nga maka bu-ang.
gugma nga makasakit sa dughan
lahos pa sa langit iyang abtan.
mas taas pa sa pinaka taas nga bukid.
mas laom pa sa pinaka laom nga kadagatan.

nagkabuang.
nagkabuang.

kay ikaw. o. ikaw.

gui higugma ko ikaw.

pero bisag unsaun...
bisag unsa ka hapdus.

dili nako mabuhat
nga sa imo masuko.

bisag usahay magsubra ang sakit.
bisag usahay murag di na ma da.

kayahun tanan.

kay ikaw. o. ikaw.

gui higugma ko ikaw.

ug higugmaun ko ikaw
bisag mahuman na ang tanan.

higugmaun ko ikaw.
bisag nahibalo kong
bisag unsaun
dili ko nimo
higugmaun.

it's been a while since i wrote in bisaya.

wait. scratch that. I'VE NEVER WRITTEN IN BISAYA BEFORE!!
yey me. ang baduy. but hey. i miss the dialect, sue me.

but my bisaya vocab is diminishing. nooo!!!

haha.

chix!! you inspired me! hehehe./

2006-03-06T08:49:00.000-08:00

i read this and i liked it.

got it from jen pa rin!

ANNABEL LEE
by Edgar Allan Poe (1849)

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;--
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

She was a child and I was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love--
I and my Annabel Lee--
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud by night
Chilling my Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven
, Went envying her and me:--
Yes! that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of a cloud, chilling
And killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we--
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in Heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:--

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea--
In her tomb by the side of the sea.

go here: http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/poe/works/poetry/annabel.html

2006-03-05T07:40:00.000-08:00

i seem to be missing a lot of things lately.

2006-03-04T20:19:00.000-08:00

water. lots of it.

sunshine.

sand.

the engine's roar as i rev it to life.

thrown back with the sudden burst of speed.

and i'm off.

speeding by.

everything's a blur.

it's just me
and the water.

my home.

the wind in my hair.
water splashing against my face.

me and the water.

like two friends reunited.

i can barely breathe.

my limbs are soar.

but nothing beats the surge of adrenaline.

the high.
the euphoria.

hang on tight.
enjoy the ride.

i miss the beach.
i miss the sand.
i miss the jetskis.
i miss the convertible.
i miss driving at 140 kmph.
i miss getting thrown off the jetski.
i miss the kayaks.
i miss the adrenaline rush.
i miss being a speedfreak.
i miss san juanico bridge.
i miss magsaysay blvd.

i miss home and the fun
and the toys
and everything
that goes with it.

2006-03-03T20:46:00.000-08:00

oh. it's you.
yes, i remember.
how have you been?

[of course i remember

how can i not?]

it's been a while, huh.
yes, i still think of you.

[all the time.

all the time.]

do you miss me?
aww. yeah, i miss you too.

[more than you'll ever know.

more than you'll ever understand]

so,

i heard you're with someone now...?

[why did she win?

why her over me?]

yeah? cool. i'm glad you're happy.

really, i am.

[oh, the pain.

stop. please. spare me the agony.]

so, uhm, what we had...

what was that about?

the stuff you said...?

[you lied to me.

you said you needed me when you didn't

you made me think you loved me

when you didn't.]

what? me? my fault?

[YOU were the one who made me asa.

YOU were the one who lied.

YOU were the one who was undecided!]

yeah? was i really that dense?

was i really that numb?

[you evil fiend.

if only you knew.

if only you bothered to find out.]

but you were drunk when you said that!

[so was i!]

how was i supposed to react?

they told me you were with someone else!

i got pissed.

[you had a frikkin kiss mark!

and you were whispering all those

sweet-ish stuff.

what was i supposed to think?

you were obviously lying!]

and you weren't willing to risk it.

[if you're not risking anything,

why should i?]

a go signal? that was what you were waiting for?

[eh gago ka pala eh!]

yeah? you would have?

but it's too late for that now, isn't it?

yeah., i thought so too.

so, friends?

yeah. friends.

[yeah. friends.

that's all we're ever gonna be.]

but i miss the hugs. i miss the compliments.

i miss the sweet whispers.

i miss the late night phone calls.

i miss hearing you say i'm beautiful.

i miss hearing you say you needed me and that you missed me

even though i knew that you were lying half of the time.

even though i knew you were never completely honest with me.

deny as i might, you were the only one

who ever made me feel that way.

maybe if i didn't let my pride get in the way.

maybe if i took the chance.

it'd be us, and not you and her.

but i didn't.

so kill me.

minsan lang, naaalala mo yung mga dati pa.

yung mga tapos na.

kahit matagal na silang nakabaon,

pag na-ungkat, tangina. ang saklap.

pero kung may pagkakataon ulit akong

mahalin ka.

promise, di ko na sasayangin.

hindi na.

2006-03-02T04:12:00.001-08:00

stolen glances.
stolen moments.

going over-board

for you.

you look my way,
my heart leaps.

stolen glances.
stolen moments.

through clouds of smoke

there's you.

you look my way,
my heart leaps.

stolen glances.
stolen moments.

eyes that scream
that which my lips cannot say

to you.

you look my way,
my heart leaps.

stolen glances.
stolen moments.

emotions pent up, unexpressed

for you.

you look my way,
my heart leaps.

with just one glance,
you send shivers down my spine.
i melt.

and amidst all the confusion
the unfathomable
the puzzlement.

there's you that I hang on to.

cause you take away all the pain
each time

you look my way,
and my heart leaps.

2006-02-24T09:50:00.000-08:00

i want to learn to write - the way pablo neruda does.
subtle, yet bursting with emotion.
i fell in love with his poems.

here's one.

Tonight I Can Write
Pablo Neruda (translated by W.S. Merwin)

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through the nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. Like my kisses before.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

http://www.enjoypoetry.com/sampoet/sampoet3.htm <-- go here.

subtle. bursting with emotion.
i can so totally relate.

i wish i could write the way he does. *sigh*

i highlighted the lines i super loved and those that hit a nerve.

hay. lost love.

2006-02-21T07:49:00.000-08:00

frustrations.

failure. rejection.

sometimes they get you down.

get up. walk away.

dry those tears.

there are more to life than those.

"not in never falling
but in rising everytime you fall."

2006-02-20T03:50:00.000-08:00

here i am and there you are.
living happy little lives.

[separate], happy little lives.

two different worlds.

paths that never seem to cross.
eyes that never seem to meet.
hands that never seem to touch.

hearts that long to love
and be loved.

but never seem to find each other.

there's you.

then there's me.

never to share the same horizon.

but the longing that once was strong,
that once raged uncontrollably like the seas in a storm...

begins to fade.

the tears begin to dry.

and a faint smile takes the place
of the scowl that once was.

my heart that once ached
turns once more to stone.

there's you.

then there's me.

all my "what ifs" have been answered.
you're just not in to me.
i will no longer whine and pine for something more.
you don't have to be with me if you don't want to.
you don't have to care if that'll be too much of a chore.
i'll be happy with having you there.
i'll be content with the few 'conversations' we have

and the thought of you.
and worrying about you.
and caring for you.
and knowing you're happy.

i shall live my happy little life,
as long as i know you're living yours.

ang senti. putangina.

papangit ng papangit entries ko ah!

which means nagffade na yung rage na nagppush sakin na magsulat.

yey for me.

(and yes, this is a happy thing!)

2006-02-18T02:57:00.000-08:00

because i was living in a memory.

"stuck in reverse."

i wanted things the way they were.
the way they were.

change. inevitable. irreversible.

painful.

because i fell in love with you.

"you are the one."

my life revolved around you.
you had control over all my emotions.

i can't have you.
can't. have. you.

love. unrequited. painful.

painful.

but the clouds parted.
my sky became visible.

my mind became clear once more.

what's done is done. no turning back.
and you don't have to love me back.

this is how my world is gonna be.

it may not be perfect.
there may never be 'you and me'.

but this'll do.
i'll be okay.

there are more things to life than this.
there are more things to life than you.

yes.

i'll be okay.

crappiest i've ever written, huh? haha.

i'll be editing these eventually tho,

so check again next time.

2006-02-18T00:13:00.000-08:00

i shall sleep peacefully tonight.
the moon will cast its marvelous light upon me.

i shall sleep peacefully tonight.
with dreams of AngeLs.
and heaven.
of stars.
of love.

i Shall sleep peacefully tonight.
for the sun shines brightly on my world
Once more.

i shalL sleep peacefully tonight.

heaven has shown mercy on me.

i shall sleep peacefully tonight.
no horrid dreams shall haunt me.

i shall sleep peacefully tonight.
bliss is mine once moRe.

thank you. thank you so, so much.

yeAp. detox did me good. i'm in love with life once more.

now the Challenge is to get back on track.

but it shouldn't be too hard now that i'm out of my

gago phase.

2006-02-13T05:50:00.000-08:00

frustrated.
a bucket full of shattered hopes and dreams.

a course-less life...

i am a drifter.

i have thrown away the oars
that gave me control over this ship.

i am a drifter.

floating along.

just a drifter.

going where the tides would take me.
hoping to get somewhere.

i am captain of my soul
no more.

i've given up.
i've given in.

leaving it all to chance.

i wait to see where the winds would take me.
i wait.

against the sea's might
i could not struggle.

i am captain of my soul
no more.

no more.

i wait to see what fate has in store for me.
i have lost all the strength to fight
because each time i try
my will is crushed
my heart is
torn.

i wait to see what fate has in store for me.
no more oars. no more struggle.

2006-02-07T08:27:00.000-08:00

in my own little corner

in my quiet little world.

i writh in pain.

i cry in anguish.

in my own little corner

in my quiet little world.

i find peace.

2006-02-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

i woke from an unpleasant dream last night.
a dream i don't even remember.

all i know is that i woke up scared.
trembling.

who are you?
who are you, really?

why do you look at me like a stranger,
without an ounce of recognition?

after you have heard me bare my soul
after you have seen me expose
the very depths of my being.

your knowledge of my existence...
you continue to deny.

so what? it's not like i can't live without you...

you'd be nice to have, but if a halfbaked,

pathetic excuse of a conversation every once in a while

is all you can give me, thankyouverymuch. i would gladly

live without.

2006-01-29T19:42:00.000-08:00

it's over.

sorrow

finally

decided

leave.

finally!

shan't

cry

more.

eyes
are
dry
and
with
a
light
heart

face

the

world

once

more.

bear

the

scars

from

all

i've

been

through.

but
here
i
am,
still
standing
tall.

foolish

sorrow

thought

could

break

but

couldn't.

never

did.

never

will.

it'll take more than that to get me daunted.
it'll take more than tears to get me harmed.
i am strong.
i am strong.

2006-01-26T06:40:00.000-08:00

why exactly am i being like this?

i asked myself the same question.

who is this person who wallows in self pity?
the one who cries no tears yet
whose heart seems to weep endlessly?

who hides beneath the shadow of a smile
beneath waves of forced laughter
shrieks of false delight?
yet whose heart bleeds and yearns
and suffers
and aches.

no. this is not me.
and anyone can attest to that.

how did this all begin?

i'd say it began in a conversation
...with an essentially irrelevant person.

from his words came forth thoughts.
from those thoughts came forth memories.
from those memories came forth pain.
pain that stayed on.
pain that caused this recurrent suffering.
pain that i had once pushed away
pain that inevitably resurfaced.

but give it time. this will all pass.
give it time and i shall be happy again.
give it time and i shall write for you with joy and bliss.

cause that's who i really am.
cause this is a mere phase.
because. just because.

i am essentially a happy person.
help me forget.
bring me back to my happy world.

2006-01-26T01:03:00.000-08:00

my world is a chaotic heap.
jumbled up. a mess. senseless.

flooded with tears.
swamped with anxiety.

a chaotic heap.
that's all i have.

a ridiculously hideous heap.
where i am lost and everything's plain absurd.

and i have lost myself.
lost myself with no hope of getting back on track.

and then there's you.
living your seemingly perfect little life.
in your seemingly perfect little world.

i am left envious.

i am reminded of MY perfect little world.
...the one that fell apart without my even knowing it.
...the one in which i had everything i loved...
...the one which disappeared on me while i had my back turned.

i have lost it all.
and now all i have is my chaotic heap.
just a chaotic heap.
where i have lost myself completely.

and then there's you.
and then there's you.

and with you comes the hope
of making it all better.
of putting my unpleasantly chaotic, crazy world
back to order.

won't you get lost with me?
won't you set things right with me?
won't you love me and make it all betteR?

2006-01-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

and here i am hanging on to your every word.

words that mean nothing to you.

here i am pondering on your every line

looking for the slightest hint of something more.
but there's none really. none.

it's not your fault. you're not to blame.
all this pain is self inflicted.
called for by the foolish person that i am.

and you touch my hand,
you whisper my name.

you hold me like no other person could.

my heart races.
my pulse rate soars.

and then you leave, taking all of me.
a fact of which you remain ignorant.

and here i am hanging on to your every word.
knowing that there's nothing more behind them.

and i go on hanging on to your every word.
hoping that somehow i'd find something in them.
when i know i never would.

no. i never would.

cause i'm just one of them.
cause i'm not special enough.
cause i'm not the one you picked.

this bit needs some (okay, a lot) of work.

and i have realized that you cannot put emotions

for two different people in one of these. stupid of me.

anyhoo, i'll see what i can do. xp

comments and suggestions are very much welcome.

2006-01-23T07:07:00.000-08:00

Be Still my heart for he is near. Be still.

Hush my lips and in silence bear...
Swallow those words.
TO speak, you shall not dare.

He is near.

He is near.

Hush. Hush my lips for he might hear you
Speak of Love .

Smile instead - oR better yet...
Shut your eyes.
Look away.

Of your feelings he must not know.

Emotions so deep.

If told, would only leAd to sorrow.

So hush. Be still.

Be still.

Be still.

A seCret untold would lead to no harm.

Hush. Be still. Say no more.

2006-01-23T01:44:00.000-08:00

i walk in. i see you.

you look at me. our eyes lock. and the whole world seems to stand still.
in that brief instant. the world stood still.

but the bliss lasted a mere split second.
for hurriedly you looked away...

... like you always do.

and i stood there. hiding the surge of emotions.
hiding beneath the semblance of a smile.

i sit. i talk. i laugh. i jest.
loud is the seemingly heartfelt laughter.

but my knees continue to quiver.
.. my heart still beating hard.
..my eyes remain dazed.

and you sit there in oblivion.
unperturbed by my presence.

whence in that mere split second,
your eyes captured my soul.

i sit there empty -
you have sucked all life out of me.

2006-01-23T00:49:00.000-08:00

the skies are dark tonight.

i don't see my stars.

their absence emphasizes the distance between us.
for some absurd far-fetched reason.

and yet the love lingers on.

like a plague it haunts me.
like a drug it keeps me high.
euphoric.
crazy.

the darkness is endless. the stars fueled the ignited spark into a flame.
and their absence leaves me in vain.

in the midst of all the absurdity
the sight of the black sky, in its awesome, eternal darkness,
somehow evokes hope.

hope.

hope which keeps me sane through the incessant pains the stars' absence wrought:

you are under the same sky.
the same starless sky.
like me, you face the darkness.
alone, you face the darkness.

that, if anything, would be the source of whatever hope i would have:

the thought of you.
the thought of you looking up at the same sky.
the same starless, black sky.

two lonesome souls lingering in the darkness.
two lonesome souls.

we'll find each other one day.

despite the darkness.

we'll find each other.

- diane blanco*

2006-01-18T19:20:00.000-08:00

sometimes you just have to let things out.

this is where i'll be doing my venting.

then again i'm not too decided on switching blogs - i AM in love with my old one. xp however i heard tis easier to fix up the pages here on blogger, so i just might switch.

oh and pardon the loser-ish username. teehee.